To continue from my previous post....<there are some words that i wish to say it out about him...>
.
.
.
Right now i felt like my negativity towards his family had made him to decide he doesn't wish to bond with my family... i felt like this is so messy right now.
"Dear next time when we have a family i wanna move out from your house"
"Ok, when we have a family, i do not want to take part with your family meet-up or chit-chat day when you meet them." <he said>
"What about if we meet with our children, like family gathering?"
"If thats the case, i will come then"
Don't know why the fact that i know he doesn't like my family is fine, but the idea that he do not wish to bond even after marriage hurts and upset me... but i do not have the right to say out because i had said to him i do not like his dad... telling him not to be like his dad.. and complaining that his mum is weird...
Perhaps we were not suited to be together...
Sometimes at times i feel like his mum is better than mine... being less emotional and less demanding...
My mum had confronted him on text... and since then he did not like her... it is so messy... and it also pushed him away much more.
I don't know.. it just felt after 3 years with him... we had fallen into a messy state. And all these unhealthy remarks and behavior had led us being less supportive towards each other. And i kind of regretted it.
Perhaps i shouldn't had said it too bluntly.
Do i miss him? No. But i miss the memories spending time with him.Going date with him alone had made me be myself. Learnt that not everything is being physical...
The chances that he will read my blog is 0 as well... cause.. he doesn't stalk people on social media... he is too mentally strong.. too discipline...
People said he is weird... couldn't click with him.. but i do not think he is weird... he is just too mentally strong that he doesn't need people in his life... but yes he still do crave attention from people to know what in his life...
But then again, i know he is a very lonely guy and for that he had been thru alot to become what he is now. Even when i talk to him or with him i could feel it...
Sebas i know the right to do is to wish you could get your right happiness but i can't do it right now... i still had a tinge of unbearable of letting you go.. aka to fully erase you out of my life...
but i wish that you won't be lonely anymore... and learn to open up your trouble to parents and ask them for help... even though they know you could handle.. but if you ever lost, you have to tell them... cause sometimes you just say without thinking. Sometimes i felt this is damaging to our relationship.
And you are never weird. i understand your loneliness.
And i wish you can come back to me with understanding on how to overcoming relationship issue.. (e.g. communication and opening up) Sometimes it is tiring that you are not able to see both sides of our shoes... while sometimes i had to explain to you. and you felt like this is all your fault... And then again, not able to suggest for solution or compromises but instead taking everything in to yourself.
And if time rewind back.. i wish we are never together but instead become friends.. and perhaps we would not have become stranger. And maybe we could be best friend and i would have fully wish you for your happiness.
So to sum up i kind of regretted on accepting to have relationship with you...
I had enough of dating guys that is inexperienced in relationship or having gf for the first time.
I hate it already... Guys that is not mature enough to know how to relationship problem together...
And fucking hate the phase "this is not your fault... it's my problem".
Even to the drinking-beer guy friend, i had enough... overcoming rejection is one thing but communicating in relationship is another story... loving for my best version is one thing but accepting and continue to love after knowing my worst version is another thing.
From here, i guess i am getting more realistic in choosing my boyfriend. Opening myself up to the right person...
.
.
.
Now i feel better after ranting out my anger and sadness...
Good Night.
.
.
.
Right now i felt like my negativity towards his family had made him to decide he doesn't wish to bond with my family... i felt like this is so messy right now.
"Dear next time when we have a family i wanna move out from your house"
"Ok, when we have a family, i do not want to take part with your family meet-up or chit-chat day when you meet them." <he said>
"What about if we meet with our children, like family gathering?"
"If thats the case, i will come then"
Don't know why the fact that i know he doesn't like my family is fine, but the idea that he do not wish to bond even after marriage hurts and upset me... but i do not have the right to say out because i had said to him i do not like his dad... telling him not to be like his dad.. and complaining that his mum is weird...
Perhaps we were not suited to be together...
Sometimes at times i feel like his mum is better than mine... being less emotional and less demanding...
My mum had confronted him on text... and since then he did not like her... it is so messy... and it also pushed him away much more.
I don't know.. it just felt after 3 years with him... we had fallen into a messy state. And all these unhealthy remarks and behavior had led us being less supportive towards each other. And i kind of regretted it.
Perhaps i shouldn't had said it too bluntly.
Do i miss him? No. But i miss the memories spending time with him.Going date with him alone had made me be myself. Learnt that not everything is being physical...
The chances that he will read my blog is 0 as well... cause.. he doesn't stalk people on social media... he is too mentally strong.. too discipline...
People said he is weird... couldn't click with him.. but i do not think he is weird... he is just too mentally strong that he doesn't need people in his life... but yes he still do crave attention from people to know what in his life...
But then again, i know he is a very lonely guy and for that he had been thru alot to become what he is now. Even when i talk to him or with him i could feel it...
Sebas i know the right to do is to wish you could get your right happiness but i can't do it right now... i still had a tinge of unbearable of letting you go.. aka to fully erase you out of my life...
but i wish that you won't be lonely anymore... and learn to open up your trouble to parents and ask them for help... even though they know you could handle.. but if you ever lost, you have to tell them... cause sometimes you just say without thinking. Sometimes i felt this is damaging to our relationship.
And you are never weird. i understand your loneliness.
And i wish you can come back to me with understanding on how to overcoming relationship issue.. (e.g. communication and opening up) Sometimes it is tiring that you are not able to see both sides of our shoes... while sometimes i had to explain to you. and you felt like this is all your fault... And then again, not able to suggest for solution or compromises but instead taking everything in to yourself.
And if time rewind back.. i wish we are never together but instead become friends.. and perhaps we would not have become stranger. And maybe we could be best friend and i would have fully wish you for your happiness.
So to sum up i kind of regretted on accepting to have relationship with you...
I had enough of dating guys that is inexperienced in relationship or having gf for the first time.
I hate it already... Guys that is not mature enough to know how to relationship problem together...
And fucking hate the phase "this is not your fault... it's my problem".
Even to the drinking-beer guy friend, i had enough... overcoming rejection is one thing but communicating in relationship is another story... loving for my best version is one thing but accepting and continue to love after knowing my worst version is another thing.
From here, i guess i am getting more realistic in choosing my boyfriend. Opening myself up to the right person...
.
.
.
Now i feel better after ranting out my anger and sadness...
Good Night.
